Aging with Grace at the Kaplen JCC on the Palisades

Posted on August 13, 2014

Join other senior adults in the community for an inspiring Shabbat service at the Kaplen JCC on the Palisades. Led by Rabbi Gary Katz, the service includes the opportunity to engage in conversation, enjoy a delicious Shabbat meal with peers, and share a few meaningful hours filled with warmth, laughter, and friends.

Fridays, Oct 31, and Nov 21, 11:30 a.m. Cost is $5.

The JCC Senior Adult Department offers a wide range of programs and services to meet the varying needs and interests of a diverse senior population. It serves as a social and recreational center for active retirees, and adult day care for people with Alzheimer’s and related forms of dementia, and a place where yet others can successfully “age in place” with their peers.

For more information, call Judi Nahary at 201.408.1450 or jnahary@jccotp.org.

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Who is a “good Jew?”

Posted on June 19, 2014

The article below from The Jerusalem Post discusses what makes a “Good Jew”. Do you agree with his list of qualities? What would be on your list?

In Plain Language: Who is a ‘good’ Jew?

By RABBI STEWART WEISS 06/12/2014

That, it seems to me, is the challenge which all of us need to face.

For the last several years, one of the hottest topics in the Jewish world has been “Who is a Jew?” The debate over this issue – which spills over into the subcategories of, “Who is a convert?” and “Who is a rabbi?” – is as sensitive as it is super charged, and has serious implications for everything from Israel’s Law of Return to an accurate count of the Jewish global population. So much has already been written on this subject that I don’t think I can add much to it.

However, what I do think deserves discussion is an even more important question: “What is a good Jew?!” That, it seems to me, is the challenge which all of us need to face.

And so I offer for your consideration the following “Top 10 Qualities” that I believe define the “good” Jew:

1. HUMILITY: We start with the need to be humble. While confidence and self-assurance are surely good traits – and a person has every right to proclaim “For me the world was created!” – arrogance and conceit do not suit us well. The prophet adjures us to “walk humbly” through the world, acknowledging the goodness of others and our subservience to the Almighty. The greatness of Moses – and all of our finest leaders, for that matter – is directly proportionate to his humility and self-effacement. The humble person accepts that there is much he can learn from others, and is apt to develop a keen sense of respect for his fellow man. Though the country-western song proclaims “Lord, it’s hard to be humble, when you’re perfect in every way!” I prefer the observation that “A person all wrapped up in himself makes for a very small package.” (I have a standing principle, by the way: If an article uses the words “I” or “me” more than three times in the opening paragraph, I stop reading. And so there are writers – some even in this great newspaper – whose columns I haven’t read in several years!)

2. HESSED: This is not an easy word to define, but like all these invisible attributes, you know it when you see it. Hessed combines the features of compassion, kindness and charity. A Jew is, by nature, a giver, and he seeks outlets for assisting others. He may do this by sharing his knowledge, time or money; he has an insatiable need to “get involved” by volunteering for community work and reaching out to the less fortunate. Jews are referred to in rabbinic literature as “the merciful, descended from the merciful” – the network of Jewish “self-help” organizations worldwide bears witness to this trait – and one Talmudic opinion says that we may question the Jewish lineage of anyone who shuns kindness and practices abject cruelty.

3. JUSTICE:. A Jew has a keen sense of justice, of wanting to see society’s wrongs made right, of defending the weak and standing up against corruption and inequity. Abraham argued against indiscriminate punishment in the “Sodom vs the Creator” case, and Moses established his leadership credentials by striking out against Egyptian oppression. I have no doubt that this is why Jews make the world’s best lawyers and judges (and perhaps the worst politicians!) due to their acute sense of justice. Unfortunately, the world at large sometimes gets it wrong – applauding the freeing of terrorist murderers, for example, and lending support to Palestinian perpetrators of evil – but on the whole, we Jews have a great track record; wherever there is a noble cause to be fought, we are there.

4. TRUTH: From the moment we were created as a nation, we were given a mission: Tell the truth. The whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Tell the world that there is a God, that He is alive and active; that He has the ability to intervene in history and that He does so, in His own way. That there are rules in the universe that define right and wrong, laws and standards of behavior which are as immutable as the rising of the sun or the sprouting of a seed. Tell the world about decency, morality, sin and civility – even if that world is determined not to hear it. Like it or not, we are meant to be the voice of heaven, sent earthwards to represent and reiterate eternal truths, without which humanity cannot hope to achieve perfection.

5. MODESTY: I’d like to believe that whoever said “If you’ve got it, flaunt it!” wasn’t Jewish. Because there is a certain grace in not being gaudy or garish, a certain charm in holding back and leaving something for the imagination. The impulse to go “all out” may be a good poker strategy, but we have always practiced discretion in dress and demeanor. Tzniut, loosely translated as modesty, is about much more than skin or skirt lengths. It is a way of conducting ourselves so that we project a certain class and minimalist sophistication. It is refraining from invading another’s space, with either coarse language or our car horn. It is knowing that not everything that can be said should be said and that not everything that can be shown should be shown.

6. SCHOLARSHIP: If books make one smart, the People of the Book are bound to be highly intelligent. We have always put the highest value on study, as in the phrase “Talmud Torah k’neged kulam” – Torah study is equivalent to all other virtues combined. “At three I started Hebrew school…” is not just a cute song, it became our way of life. Fathers sought out scholars for their daughters to marry, and communities pooled their resources to support study programs for young and old. Often denied entrance into guilds and universities, we developed our own institutions of higher learning and found our greatest joy in the amassing of knowledge. We may lag a bit behind in the number of sports trophies in our display case, but we are second to none when it comes to Nobel Prizes.

7. COURAGE: No people ever faced greater physical danger than we have. Throughout the centuries, we have faced off against the world’s mightiest empires and warriors, from Greece to Germany to Sisera to Stalin. Despite the image of the Jew as the weak, downtrodden bookworm, we have displayed heroic fortitude and an indomitable will to survive. There is no better proof of this than the fact that we are here, and they are gone, and that we have arguably the finest, fittest army in the world. But courage is not always measured on the battlefield; it can be found just as often in the decision to live on when the smoke of the crematoria has finally cleared, and in the determination of the bereaved mother to present her second son to the officers at the IDF induction center. Which brings us to our next category…

8. FAITH: I often marvel at how steadfastly we have stuck with God, despite all the tests and trials He has put us through. Ever since Sinai – and even before that, at the Akeda, or enslaved in Egypt – we never severed our connection to the King of Kings. We walked into fiery furnaces rather than abandon our faith, we marched into gas chambers reciting the Shema. We risked our lives, time and again, to give ours sons a brit, or strap on a pair of tefillin. Why? Was it because we understood that with the glory comes the grief? Or that our destiny was to be God’s child, no matter what the consequences? I suggest it is because we knew – and we know – that Judaism is the holiest way of life, that it brings us the greatest meaning and spiritual satisfaction, and that, when all is said and done, God will see us through. Which brings us to…

9. OPTIMISM: We Jews can be world-class complainers, no doubt, but we always manage to see the brighter side of things. We never give up, even when the odds are against us, because we innately believe there will be a happy ending. We have packed up and moved a thousand times to virtually every place on Earth, and each time we told our family that it will be better this time than before. Accordingly, our operative color is white (see: weddings, Yom Kippur, etc.); our favorite children’s book is The Little Engine That Could; our favorite movie is Cinderella or Rocky; and our favorite sports team, hands down, is the Chicago Cubs (my apologies to the Mets fans out there). Logic aside, we believe! It’s all summed up in the classic story about the town that’s told it will be deluged by a massive flood in just three days’ time. The mayor tells his citizens to go and say their last goodbyes to their families; the priest urges his parishioners to use the time remaining to make a final peace with their Maker; but the rabbi gathers his fellow Jews and tells them matter-of-factly: “We have exactly three days to learn how to live underwater!” Which leads us to…

10. ISRAEL: There was perhaps a time when Israel played only an abstract, academic role in our national lives. Mired in the Exile, scattered over a half-dozen continents, we could only relate to the Holy Land in daily prayers, picture books and dream sequences. But God has performed an awesome miracle in our day – greater, Jeremiah the Prophet wrote long ago, than even the events of the Exodus – by gathering up the Jews of many nations, allowing us to reclaim our land, bestowing us with a united capital of Jerusalem and giving us the opportunity to practice Judaism in its natural habitat. I am convinced that this is our reward for all the combined attributes above, maintained throughout the generations by our people – the courage, the faith, the optimism – that is finally bearing fruit. Who would miss the chance to claim the prize? Who would ignore the handwriting of history and not choose to be a part of the play’s last, great act? We live in a time when much of the world has turned its back on us. A great percentage of the globe is anti-Semitic, eager to ban and boycott us, while ignoring the real troubles and travesties that fill the headlines. Even America, our stalwart ally, has abdicated its moral principles by embracing the Palestinian terror government and failing to recognize, let alone repel, Islam’s war on humanity. And that is precisely why this is the time when we must reaffirm the qualities which made, and make, us great. This is the time to look inward, to perfect our selves and our souls by being the best possible Jews we can be. How do you rate yourself?

The writer is director of the Jewish Outreach Center of Ra’anana; jocmtv@netvision.net.il, www.rabbistewartweiss.com

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Should Jewish Rockers Act Any Different?

Posted on June 19, 2014

The following article from the LA Jewish Journal raises a good question about how one’s background could or should influence their actions and art?

This Jew Rocks!

by Rabbi Jeffrey K. Salkin

1 day ago

I will be the first to admit: I do write about rock music a lot.

Most of the time, my focus is on performers who have either participated in the BDS movement and chosen to not perform in Israel, or those artists like the Rolling Stones who not only enthusiastically played in Israel, but who go went of their way to express an emotional connection with the people – in Mick Jagger’s case, throwing rudimentary (and not so rudimentary) Hebrew phrases at the audience like so many blown kisses. http://blogs.forward.com/the-shmooze/199585/-times-mick-jagger-spoke-better-hebrew-than-you/ .

This week, Sinead O’Connor came down with a whopping case of cold feet about performing in Israel. It turns out that she simply didn’t know that the Palestinians had urged a cultural boycott of Israel, and now has major second thoughts about playing there. Sinead is doubly wrong: first, for considering bowing out of her Israel gig, and second, because, in fact, the Palestinians are not in favor of a boycott of Israel. Duh. So, Sinead, you can stay home. Your loss.

But the biggest Jewish news in rock music this week is about Max Weinberg, the drummer for Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band.

Max Weinberg, and his wife Becky, had donated a vacation at his villa in Tuscany as part of the fundraising auction at the Reform synagogue in South Orange – the synagogue that he grew up in and in which his family has been active over the decades.http://njjewishnews.com/article/23315/springsteen-drummer-to-support-local-synagogue They are doing so in honor of their parents, Ruth and Bert Weinberg and Jean and Dale Shick, and Max’s grandparents, Max and Celia Mindlin, who were founding members of Temple Sharey Tefilo when it was in East Orange.

And Max is going to be there at the charity event to personally auction off the prize.

Here’s one of the most successful rock drummers in recent history, who has also played in Conor O’Brian’s band. He’s a proud Jew – proud enough to come back to his “home shul” and to support them. And not only that – but to honor his parents and his in-laws in doing so.

Because honoring your parents – the very pillar of the Ten Commandments – is not only about taking care of your parents. It is that, but it is far more.

It’s something basic. Remember where you come from.

There have been many Jews in rock music. Here is a short list: Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen, Paul Simon, Peter Himmelman, Art Garfunkel, Lou Reed, of blessed memory; Donald Fagen, Matisyahu, Amy Winehouse, of blessed memory; Joey Ramone, Gene Simmons, Billy Joel, Mark Knopfler, Lenny Kravitz, Neil Sedaka, Neil Diamond, Leslie Gore, several members of Phish, Carole King, Bette Midler, David Lee Roth, Adam Levine, Barry Manilow, Barbara Steisand, David Bromberg. I know that there are others.

But a woefully small number of them “do” anything Jewish – at least as far as I can tell. How many of them are actually connected, in some meaningful way, to the Jewish community? And to what extent does their Jewish background play a role in their music?

In that regard, here are my favorite “Jewishly” Jewish rock musicians.

Leonard Cohen: Jewish images, ideas and texts frequently make appearances in his music – so much so, that at our High Holy Day services this year in Bayonne, we will salute him on his eightieth birthday and incorporate his Jewish music into the worship experience. Check out “Who By Fire”. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuUgTxgoyaI

Bob Dylan: yes, he often seems to be doing the hora on either side of the Jewish-Christian divide. But “Neighborhood Bully” is about Israel, and it is eternally relevant. “Father of Night” is prayerful. “Highway 61” retells the binding of Isaac.

Peter Himmelman: Dylan’s son-in-law and a totally observant Jew. His music is dotted with kabbalistic and biblical imagery. His song “Impermanent Things” is one of the greatest critiques of idolatry I have ever encountered. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=an9eziYKD3A He is the real deal.

Matisyahu: Of course. Everything he sings is Jewish and bears witness to Torah. Check out “One Day.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRmBChQjZPs

Phish: They have a well-documented and often-ripped live rendition of “Avinu Malkheinu.” Awesome.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xP0UF_r3dkY

Paul Simon: “Silent Eyes” is about Jerusalem.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLBrwvo4ZGA&list=RDdLBrwvo4ZGA#t=0 You could use it on Tisha B’Av. (But much of his other music contains Christian imagery. Jesus loves Mrs. Robinson more than she will know. As my father once asked: “How can nice Jewish boys sing that?”)

Lou Reed, of blessed memory: he was always a Jewish kid from Long Island. His song “Good Evening, Mr. Waldheim” is profoundly, angrily Jewish. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0Sowv5DnB8. He destroys Jesse Jackson for his “common ground” with Farrakhan.

Barbara Streisand did “Yentl” and recorded “Avinu Malkheinu.”

But that seems to be the extent of Judaism in the rock music industry. And there are historical reasons why there has been a lack of Jewish content in rock music. Rock music is, in many ways, a descendant of African-American music – which is to say, gospel music. So, Jesus comes easily; Torah, not so much.

And then, there’s Max Weinberg.

His music isn’t particularly Jewish. But Max is particularly Jewish.

We need more Jewish rock performers like him – Jews who will stand up with and for the Jewish community, and who will play in Israel, and who will give back to the Jewish community, and who might even use Jewish images and ideas in their music.

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Inspired by Rabbi Avi Weiss

Posted on June 17, 2014

I’m always inspired by Rabbi Avi Weiss, his larger vision, sense of community and greater purpose. He sees things from a broader perspective and stands up for what’s right whether it affects Jews or not.

A great article from the Jewish Week. (Link below.)

“Something remarkable happened today. As I was leaving a prayer service [near the UN] for the three boys kidnapped on their way home from Yeshiva, I ran into a rally for the abducted Nigerian school girls. Having some free time, I decided to join that rally, too.“Soon, [Rabbi] Seth Braunstein and I decided to run and invite Rav Avi Weiss to the rally. As I ran back to invite Rav Avi, Seth spoke with the organizers of this rally (taking place outside the Nigerian Consulate), and told them that Rabbi Weiss would be joining.

“They invited Rav Avi to be their final speaker. He spoke about our commitment to stand up for each other. The girls in Nigeria and the boys in Israel, he said, will never be found, unless every person in the world sees them as their brother, sister, daughter or son. G-d created man singularly, he preached in the name of the Talmud, so that no person can claim superiority over another human being.

“We closed by singing a Carlebach niggun [tune] together. ‘Because of my brothers and friends, Because of my sisters and friends, Please let me ask, please let me sing, peace to you. This is the house, the house of the Lord, I wish the best for you’ “

(Source:https://www.facebook.com/jordan.soffer/posts/10202381676168490)

#bringbackourgirlsnyc #bringbackourboys

Photo: "Something remarkable happened today. As I was leaving a prayer service [near the UN] for the three boys kidnapped on their way home from Yeshiva, I ran into a rally for the abducted Nigerian school girls. Having some free time, I decided to join that rally, too.</p>
<p>"Soon, [Rabbi] Seth Braunstein and I decided to run and invite Rav Avi Weiss to the rally. As I ran back to invite Rav Avi, Seth spoke with the organizers of this rally (taking place outside the Nigerian Consulate), and told them that Rabbi Weiss would be joining.</p>
<p>"They invited Rav Avi to be their final speaker. He spoke about our commitment to stand up for each other. The girls in Nigeria and the boys in Israel, he said, will never be found, unless every person in the world sees them as their brother, sister, daughter or son. G-d created man singularly, he preached in the name of the Talmud, so that no person can claim superiority over another human being. </p>
<p>"We closed by singing a Carlebach niggun [tune] together. 'Because of my brothers and friends, Because of my sisters and friends, Please let me ask, please let me sing, peace to you. This is the house, the house of the Lord, I wish the best for you' "</p>
<p>(Source: https://www.facebook.com/jordan.soffer/posts/10202381676168490)</p>
<p>#bringbackourgirlsnyc #bringbackourboys

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Can religious involvement help our youth transition into adulthood?

Posted on June 5, 2014

Strong relationships, religious involvement ease transition into adulthood, study says.

Strong relationships, religious involvement ease transition into adulthood, study says

Mary Archbold (courtesy)

Posted: Monday, June 2, 2014 6:23 am | Updated: 1:50 pm, Mon Jun 2, 2014.

Lois M. Collins, Deseret News – lois@desnews.com |0 comments

Close relationships with at least one parent, caring teachers and religious involvement have lasting power to ease transitions as youths move through young adulthood, according to a new pair of research briefs by Child Trends.

The national nonpartisan, nonprofit research center released the two “Transitioning to Adulthood” briefs May 28.

The researchers found that when kids have caring relationships with one or both parents, the likelihood increases that they will have fewer challenges in their late teens and early 20s — even stretching into their mid- to late-20s and early 30s. The same is true for those young adults who felt as they grew up that teachers cared for them or who were involved in consistent religious activities, according to the firstreport, subtitled “The Role of Supportive Relationships and Regular Religious Involvement.”

The second report focused on “characteristics associated with a lower-risk transition” to adulthood, examining potential problems like heavy drinking or drug abuse, criminal activity and money trouble. It found that young people who in late teens and early 20s manage to avoid those issues don’t usually pick them up later. Even those who had “moderate or multiple problems” tend to face diminishing issues with them as they age.

The report characterizes ages 18 to 29 “as a period of emerging adulthood” as young adults increasingly put off milestones like marriage, careers and parenthood in favor of education and self-discovery.

The researchers used data from the National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health, looking at “waves” of information gleaned from interviews with roughly 11,500 young adults beginning when they were 11 to 19 years old in 1994-1995. They analyzed 13 years’ worth of data to determine whether those subjects were poised to make healthy transitions into adulthood.

Not all the same

Groups of young people are different, and some of the findings buck popular notions. For example, whites and males don’t do as well overall with challenges as female or foreign-born young adults, the research said.

“I think that’s a valuable thing to know,” said Kristin A. Moore, Child Trends senior scholar, who wrote the report with colleagues Mary A. Terzian and Nicole Constance. “People think immigrants are more likely to be in this category. No. It’s native-born. I have no idea why that would be.” Easier to understand is the struggle of young males, she added; they can’t always find decent jobs and lag in terms of obtaining higher education.

In another counterintuitive finding, the researchers also learned that “young adults who as adolescents reported that their friends cared about them ‘very much’ were more likely to have a high-risk transition to adulthood.” The reason is not well understood and begs for more study, Moore said, adding that while most peer relationships are positive, it’s not uniformly true. “Often we don’t know the values or behaviors of peers.”

Inaccurate view of youths

While polling shows many American adults think most kids have lots of problems, the reality is that a substantial number have very few, Moore said. Of those who do, the majority are not severe. When the researchers examined a set of risks for poor outcomes during the transition to adulthood, they found that “most kids don’t have those risks or have moderate levels of those risks.”

Those who have problems in early adulthood tend to get better over time, she said. One reason may be simply gaining some maturity. Brain development continues until around age 25. Also, some mitigate challenges by finding informal or formal support of some kind. Even gaining experience and earning more money provide some relief.

Because relatively few have multiple or severe problems, “we could focus some resources in helping (those that do) do better,” said Moore, who called use of evidence-based, effective programs to help people overcome drugs and behavioral problems a good investment. Young adults are often not offered much in the way of help or guidance, she said.

“The public is quite supportive of interventions for young children and even adolescents to some extent. But there is kind of a punitive orientation” with older individuals who make mistakes or have problem behaviors, although proven interventions could help them, she noted.

Religion offers protection

The researchers said weekly participation in religious services or youth groups is positive and the benefits last past young adulthood. It didn’t matter which religion; adolescents who attended weekly services “had 64 percent higher odds of belonging to the lower risk, minimal problems group” more than a decade later.

“There’s strong literature that finds pretty consistently that being active in a religious organization is positive,” said Moore. She said that religiously involved youths are less apt to have sex but are less likely to use contraception if they are sexually active.

As for degrees of benefit, those who felt when young that their teachers cared for them had 59 percent higher odds of few problems, while having a close relationship with at least one parent provided 29 percent better odds.

Perceiving that peers cared a lot lowered the odds of belonging to the lower-risk group 27 percent.

Relationships pivotal

That relationships matter to a young person’s future is no surprise tp Carolyn Pape Cowan, adjunct professor emeritus of psychology at University of California Berkeley. She was not involved in the Child Trends research, but has with her husband Philip Cowan long studied youths and how they thrive or fall behind.

“What we do know is that from birth to the teenage years, when kids have parents with fewer mental health problems, when they have good relationships and more effective parenting strategies, they do better.”

Adults are crucial to how children do emotionally, developmentally and academically, she said. “It means if they have adults who are satisfied enough and effective enough in their lives, who can care for and support these kids and believe in them, it makes a huge amount of difference.” She said that even when kids are getting into a little bit of trouble, if the adults in their lives believe in them and encourage them and help guide them, they do better. “It means a great deal to how they feel about themselves and the goals they develop.”

Not too late

The circle of help for emerging adults extends beyond teachers and schools, Moore said. Mentors, coaches, religious contacts, distant kin and others can all have positive impact.

“But we find the kids with the greatest needs are the least likely to have those positive relationships,” she said.

Development is lifelong, and research supports the notion it’s never too late to try to help or care. Moore said baby boomers, for example, could get involved. They are often healthy, their children grown, so some could choose to step up for kids through government programs, private organizations, religious groups or other mentoring opportunities.

“We know that kids who have severe stress and difficulties and not a great deal of effective parenting in their home environment can have teachers or pastors or rabbis or community leaders or Scout leaders who make a great deal of difference,” Pape Cowan said. She added those people tend to listen and not criticize.

The reports emphasized “long-term dividends” to preventing problem behaviors before age 18.

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